Well there you have it. I apologize that this has taken so long, but with the NBA season upon us I decided that there should be no better time than the present to upload this. Here is the official NBA/Star Wars crossover. Let’s start with the centerpiece for both.
Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker is LeBron James
At the time of the Clone Wars, the best Jedi in the galaxy was Anakin Skywalker. Likewise in the NBA before LeBron joined the Miami Heat he was the best basketball player in the league. Anakin fearing he might lose Padme left the Jedi order, and LeBron fearing that he’d never win a ring left the Cleveland Cavaliers. However there is a chance that LeBron could return to Cleveland and rejoin the light side of the force. We’ll see what happens in the coming season….
Luke Skywalker is Derrick Rose
Derrick Rose fits this role perfectly because he and the Chicago Bulls are one of the few teams that can stand up to the evil empire that is the Miami Heat. After taking a year-long hiatus he has returned from limbo to play ball much like Luke Skywalker emerged from Obi-Wan Kenobi’s hut on Tatooine after losing his hand. Rose looks better than ever, and after Luke’s Jedi training was complete he emerged as a full groomed Jedi Knight. The question remains, will Rose’s new skill be enough to stop LeBron from claiming another title? We’ll see if good wins or if evil prevails again…
Han Solo is Kevin Durant
A lot of Durant fans are going to be angry about this, but Durant isn’t being shortchanged. Han Solo was one of the greatest heroes the rebellion had during the Galactic Civil War, and Durant is one of the few individuals standing in LeBron’s way of a three-peat. Solo also is one of the best shots in the galaxy and Durant is someone who you want shooting the ball as the clock is ticking down. Unfortunately Durant lost to LeBron in the 2012 Finals much like how Darth Vader put Han Solo in carbonite in Cloud City. Whether that happens again if these two meet up in the Finals is for us to find out…
Chewbacca is Dwight Howard
I should be making D-12 Princess Leia, but Dwight Howard is just too massive and masculine to be compared to anyone other than Chewbacca. Chewbacca can yank arms out of people’s sockets, and Dwight can slam it home like a select few in this league. However, Wookie backwards doesn’t spell crybay!
Kobe Bryant is Princess Leia
Ok just kidding, but I despise Kobe!
Count Dooku is Kobe Bryant
Before Anakin became Emperor Palpatine’s apprentice the individual employed by the Sith Lord was Count Dooku. Before LeBron won back-to-back MVP’s with Cleveland the league ran through Kobe. When LeBron swept Kobe in the 2009-2010 NBA season that was the equivalence of Anakin defeating Count Dooku and becoming Palpatine’s new apprentice. Kobe won a ring that year, but when LeBron emerged with the Miami Heat and joined the dark side of the force he quickly got all the storylines. Kobe isn’t toiling in obscurity, but his Lakers don’t have much of a shot this year. We’ll see if he retires soon…
Mace Windu is Paul Pierce
I don’t know if many of you remember that scene in Episode III when Anakin gets on the Jedi Council, but one individual who looked with deep contempt on Anakin was Mace Windu. You could tell he didn’t like the guy and it’s not hard to understand that Paul Pierce also doesn’t like LeBron very much. When Windu refused to give Anakin the “Master” ranking in the Jedi order that was like watching Pierce’s Celtics beat LeBron’s Cavaliers in the 2009-2010 Playoffs even though LeBron clearly was the better player and the Cavaliers were the better team. Once Anakin turned to the dark side though, he betrayed Windu. While LeBron…well he didn’t slice Pierce’s arm off but he eliminated his Celtics in the 2010-2011 and 2011-2012 seasons. He also took Ray Allen away too L
Obi-Wan Kenobi is Moe Williams
I don’t think anyone was hurt more by Anakin turning to the dark side than his friend Obi-Wan Kenobi. Likewise nobody on the Cavaliers was hurt more by LeBron joining the Heat than Moe Williams. Moe had really found his place with the Cavs and he was an All-Star in his first season with the team (albeit a reserve, but still). Shaq also would have been a great example because he was with LeBron in the season before he left Cleveland, but Moe does this role justice. Now Moe is in his hut in Tatooine (with the Portland Trail Blazers) and pondering what might have been…
Jar Jar Binks is Chris Bosh
Yes he’s a dinosaur but here’s another role for him.
Boba Fett is Chris Bosh
I will be getting a lot of angry e-mails from Boba Fett fans for this, but here goes. Bosh is Fett because he goes where the money is. All Fett cares about is getting paid and you can tell that he’s a bad dude. While Jar Jar is a dinosaur he would never have sided with the Empire. Bosh plays for the bad guys but he’s nowhere as cool as Fett is, but as far as morals go they are downright similar.
C-3P0 is Chris Paul
Now I’ll be getting angry e-mails from Chris Paul fans. Besides the lack of mobility by C-3P0, both are really smart. C-3P0 knows several million forms of communication, while CP3 knows several different ways to run the floor and give his Clippers an opportunity to win basketball games. Besides C-3P0, CP3; what else do you need?! Ok, I’ve got nothing…
R2-D2 is Rajon Rondo
Despite R2-D2’s size, it is able to make a lot of key plays that influence the rebellion. Likewise Rajon Rondo may not be the most intimidating person on the court, but he is able to make a lot of electrifying plays that determine if the Celtics live or die during the NBA season. Rondo is coming back from an ACL tear, and while the Celtics aren’t a threat to the Imperial Empire just yet, don’t be surprised if another team tries to pick him up to fuel their rebellion…
Lando Calrissian is Russell Westbrook
Russell Westbrook didn’t betray Kevin Durant to the Miami Heat, but regardless he’s a smooth operator. Like the smooth suave charm that Billy Dee Williams provided with his role as the Baron Administrator of Cloud City, Westbrook provides that smoothness with his passes and the plays that he opens up for Kevin Durant. Both are All-Stars. Lando is Gold Leader in the Battle of Endor and Westbrook is one of the best young point guards in the game today. Could Westbrook fire the torpedo that ends the Heat Dynasty? We shall see…
Grand Moff Tarkin is Dwayne Wade
I’m going to flash you back to Episode IV. You remember that scene when Leia meets Governor Tarkin and she says she thought “he’d be holding Vader’s leash”. Well that was the way it was with the Heat when LeBron showed up. LeBron’s in charge now, but Wade was the one calling the shots when he joined that team. The Heat at the start was Wade’s team. It wasn’t until LeBron won that first title that it officially became LeBron’s team. Sure Wade didn’t leave his team the way LeBron left his, but he still faces a lot of scrutiny for his actions. Which of course we know he doesn’t deserve…
Yoda is Gregg Popovich
Both are great teachers. Yoda instructed many students at the Jedi Temple in mastering the force, and Popovich taught a San Antonio Spurs team how to win. As a result that has led to four championships for the Spurs. Both are awesome! Anyways I’m going to go to Game 6 of the NBA Finals this last season. If the Spurs win that game the dynasty of the Miami Heat is over and the evil empire falls. Likewise in that lightsaber battle between Yoda and Darth Sidious in Episode III, it was clear that Yoda had Palpatine on the ropes. However, Ray Allen made that last-second three and the Heat as a result repeated as champions. Going back to the Star Wars universe, Palpatine calls in some clone troopers to hunt down Yoda and as a result he has to go into hiding. The Spurs might not be able to threaten again for a while, but they are still a “force” to be reckoned with.
Emperor Palpatine is David Stern
I thought for a long time that the Emperor was Pat Riley since he was able to successfully lure LeBron to South Beach. After rethinking that decision it is obvious it’s Stern. Palpatine is the bad guy behind the scenes, the one orchestrating the chaos. Meanwhile Stern is the individual making sure LeBron and the Miami Heat get every advantage they can get. LeBron like Darth Vader does all the work and gets all the hate, but this is the real bad guy behind the scenes. Call it skepticism but Stern may have had a conversation with LeBron that seduced him to the Dark Side and made him join the Heat. If you recall during the 2009-2010 season LeBron said he was going to change his jersey number from 23 to 6 at the end of the season. There are two teams in the NBA that have the number 23 retired, the Chicago Bulls and the Miami Heat. There’s no way LeBron was going to the Bulls to be in MJ’s shadow so he was probably planning from the start to go to Miami. Now here’s the thing about Stern. He will retire in February of 2014, so he’s going to get that symbolic dump into the reactor pit pretty soon. Don’t be surprised if he tries to pull a fast one though…
The Ewoks are the Dallas Mavericks
I still have no idea how the Mavericks were able to defeat the Heat in the 2011 Finals. Just like the Empire has no idea how a pack of teddy bears was able to defeat them. I’m not calling Dallas a pack of teddy bears; I’m just saying that was a monumental upset. The Ewoks beating the Empire is the equivalence of the Alabama Crimson Tide losing to the Washington State Cougars. We’ll see if history repeats itself this year, but I think Miami may have learned its lesson that year. We’ll see if another title is in the crystal ball…
Admiral Ackbar is Doc Rivers
Admiral Ackbar was a brilliant strategist that led the space assault on the second death star. Doc Rivers is a brilliant strategist too and he has the firepower to prove it. Just with that addition alone the Clippers are favored by many to advance to their first NBA Finals. Rivers doesn’t smell like a fillet of fish, but he has the smarts to lead a team against the Miami Heat, much like Ackbar against the evil empire.
Mas Amedda is Erik Spoelstra
You remember that blue guy with the horns from the prequels. He had an important role in the Republic except he didn’t really do anything. Spoelstra fits this role because he inherited a team with a lot of talent and it’s clear that LeBron and Wade are doing a vast majority of the leading on that team. Perhaps Spoelstra deserves more credit than that. However I can’t get that scene of Amedda walking out and wanting nothing to do with that duel between Yoda and the Emperor in Episode III. That’s vintage Spoelstra right there.
So where are we in the story….
We are at the start of Return of the Jedi. Mainly because this year we are going to find out if anyone can stop the Miami Heat. Sure Chicago and San Antonio have been able to give Miami scares, but a hero needs to rise in order to stop the Empire from staying for good. Dallas was able to “blow up the Death Star” by beating Miami in the 2011 Finals, but Miami is making another one, and if they get a three-peat they will have completed the Second Death Star. Episode 6 was also important because we saw Darth Vader transform himself and return to the light side of the force. If LeBron returns to Cleveland he will have brought balance back to the force, but if he wins another ring as a member of the Heat than the rebellion is pretty much doomed. This is what makes sports great reality television; you don’t know who’s going to win.
With that being said I’m still picking the Heat to repeat, you never know though…………….
Thanks for taking the time to read this and stay classy everyone!
May the Force be with you!